Tears of A Hero
by Amy Kitty Katz
Summary: Alfred holds a few secrets. He's smart. He's depressed. He cuts himself. And he's for about 100 years now. What will happen when one day, at a World Meeting, Arthur finds out? What will happen when he finds out America's secrets, pain, and history of this horrifying discovery? How will he react when he finally sees the tears of a hero? Side pairings. CUTTING DEPRESSION SUICIDE YAOI
1. Finding out the secret

_I wanted to name this story_

_ 'Tears of An Angel', _

_But then I though that it _

_Would be centered around England,_

_Since he's an angel and all that,_

_So I decided to go with _

_'Tears of A Hero',_

_Since this is about America_

* * *

_BEEP BEEP! _

_BEEP BEEP! _

_BEEP BEEP!_

Alfred rolled over on his side and groaned, shutting off his alarm clock which he gave a deadly glare to. He gave out a small yawn before sitting up and stretching his upper body, searching for his glasses. He found them on the bedside table, right next to his alarm clock. He looked at the alarm clock once he put his glasses on.

The time read 6:30. The meeting started at 9:00, so he still had two and a half hours to get ready and leave for the White House. He was very fortunate that the meeting was at his place, because he did not feel like traveling and dealing with jet-lag. He hated jet-lag. He despised it to the core of his soul.

Alfred stretched one more time before dragging himself out of bed. He went over to his wardrobe and picked out the usual attire he wore during meetings, which consisted of a tan military suit, his bomber jacket, two guns, a few knives hidden in his bomber jacket, and black military shoes. And a black belt and strap to go over it all. He took his suit and walked over to the bathroom to take a quick shower.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Alfred walked downstairs and started to brew himself a cup of coffee. He had just finished doing some paperwork that needed to be done, as well as a report on the current fight for gay rights. He looked over at the table and picked up the newspaper laying there and started to read it. He looked at the articles. They were all filled with the same exact thing. Politics, wars, the list can keep on going. Alfred sighed and put the newspaper down and instead looked at the time.

8:30. He still had a half an hour before the meeting started. He sighed and started to quickly drain his coffee cup. He knew it would take some time to get there, about 20 minutes, so he had to hurry. Alfred finished the cup in record time, washed it, and brushed his teeth in a matter of minutes. He looked at the time. 8:05. Good timing.

Alfred rolled up his sleeves and looked at his wrists. They were covered in cutting marks. And there were about 20 more new cuts from his shower this morning, which he still needed to properly wrap.

He ran to the bathroom and took out some medicine as well as gauze. He washed his wrists, making some of the cuts bleed in the process. He applied the medicine to them, and quickly, but properly, wrapped them in gauze.

He put the supplies away, grabbed some files and notes, yelled goodbye to Tony, and hopped in his car and headed his way to the White House. "Well, here goes another useless and boring meeting, in which I have to act al cheery and stupid...again."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Alfred ran in the doors to the meeting hall, where all of the countries were waiting. He looked around.

Francis and Arthur were at each other's throats, Heracles was sleeping, Sadiq was trying to get him awake by poking his face. Kiku and Yao were discussing their plans on hanging out with each other, Ivan was creeping out the Baltics, Feliks was trying ptorotect Toris. Feliciano was eating pasta with his brother Lovino. Ludwig was attempting to get everyone's attention, and failing. Antonio was cheering with Gilbert for Francis to win the fight with Arthur, Roderich and Elizaveta were quietly discussing something. A lot was going on.

Arthur was the first to notice Alfred as he rushed in. "ALFRED! Look what time it is! It is.." Arthur stopped chocking Francis for once and looked at his watch. His eyes widened. "It is-this must be wrong- exactly 9:00." He looked back and forth between Alfred and his watch. "Bloody hell, you're actually on time."

Alfred laughed. "You know, Iggy, I can actually make an effort on something besides eating." _I can make an effort on a lot of things, you just don't know that. Nobody knows that._ "And I did make an effort to be on time today. Aren't you proud?" Alfred smiled a big, toothy grin at Arthur.

Arthur's face turned a little it pink. "I told you many times, my name is not Iggy'! And, well, I guess I'm a _little_ proud that you made an effort at something besides gaining weight." Arthur now glared at the American. "Only a little, mind you!" He huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

Alfred grinned and rolled his eyes. "Okay, Iggy. I believe you." He turned towards Ludwig. "Lud, mind taking the lead?"

Ludwig, on the other hand, was absolutely _mind blown_ that Alfred showed up on time, for once. He was a little dazed still when Alfred spoke to him. "U-um, what? O-Oh, yeah." He cleared his throat. "As I was saying-"

Alfred walked over to the table and took a seat next to Arthur. Alfred stretched his arms forward, not noticing that this action caused a little bit of the bloody gauze to show. This gauze did not go un-noticed by Arthur, who was staring at him with peculiar eyes. Alfred caught him staring and gave him a questioning look. "What is it, Artie?"

Arthur didn't even make a comment at the nickname. Because one, he thought it was much better than 'Iggy', and only Alfred can call him those nicknames, not that he would admit it of course. (Although, Francis tried calling him Iggy, And Arthur pounded the Frog saying "Only the lazy American can call me those name, you damn frog!") And two, his mind was much more focused on the bloody gauze. He looked up and met Alfred's gaze. 'I-It's nothing." He turned back to the meeting. Alfred just shrugged and turned his attention back as well.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

"Meeting dismissed!"

After the meeting had been called off by Ludwig, Arthur packed up his stuff and caught up with Alfred, who was getting up as well. "Alfred!"

Alfred turned around and smiled when he saw Arthur. "What's up, Artie?"

Arthur sighed at the nickname. "First of all, my name is not 'Artie'. And second of all, can I talk to you?" Alfred just nodded. By now, the meeting room was empty, except for the two of them. Arthur grabbed Alfred's wrist, which completely surprised the American, and scowled. "What in the bloody hell is this!? And don't lie to me Alfred!"

Alfred stared at the Brit for a moment, before closing his eyes and letting out a heavy sigh. "I cut myself this morning. I've been cutting myself for the last 100 years." Which was true. For the last 100 years, America, also know as Alfred F. Jones, has been cutting himself.

Arthur's eyes widened at this news. His grip tightened and his hands started to shake. Tears were forming at his eyes as well. "B-But why, Alfred? WHY!?" Tears were visable on his face now.

Alfred jerked his hand away from Arthur. He put both hands down firmly on Arthur's shoulders, and stared in to his eyes. "It's a long story. Come to my place tomorrow morning at 8:00 and I'll tell you, got it?" He only got a nod from Arthur, who was too shocked to speak. Both of them knew that Arthur wouldn't dare speak a word of this, unless he valued his secrets. And Alfred knew some pretty mean secrets that Arthur wouldn't risk on getting out.

Alfred lifted his hands away and walked out of the meeting room, leaving a crying Arthur.


	2. Why?

Allistor- Scotland

Dylan- Ireland

Conner- Wales

* * *

Alfred was pacing back and forth in his living room, while Tony was sitting there on the couch, just staring at him and playing with his Nintendo DS. Alfred kept wondering on how he was going to tell Arthur everything-or _if_ he should tell Arthur everything. He stopped pacing and turned to Tony. "Ah man, Tony. What should I do? Should I tell him everything or not?"

Tony paused his game and looked up at Alfred. He didn't say anything for a few seconds before replying. "Fuck you." But America heard "Tell him everything you dimwit." That was enough said. He didn't have any emotion or expression on his face. But yet again, when does he?

Alfred just stared at his alien friend. "Yeah. I guess I should..." Just then there was a knock at his door. "Coming!" He ran to the door to find a worried looking Arthur. He looked like he had just been crying. Alfred smiled a little. "Hey Artie.." He stepped aside to let Arthur in. He made his way to the kitchen. "Would you like some tea?"

Arthur made his way to the living room, examining it. It was rather neat. The walls were an off white, and the floor was wooden. In the middle of the wooden floor, there was a navy blue rug. And in the middle of the rug, there was a wood-rimmed table with glass in the middle of it. There was a large couch facing the television, and two chairs facing away from ach other at the opposite ends of the table. So the couch was somewhat in the middle of it. Arthur looked at Alfred.

"No thank you." He plopped himself down on the couch, crossing his legs and facing Alfred, who was doing the same thing. Arthur cleared his throat. "So, um, when did this all happen? What triggered you to do this?" Arthur's voice was shaky. That only proved the fact that he _had_ been crying earlier.

Alfred scratched the back of his head. "Well..." He kept his gaze away from Arthur for a few moments, instead looking at the floor. "It started with what Francis said." He picked up his gaze and looked at Arthur, both leaning in a little. "Do you remember what he said? It was the 20th of April, 1913."

Arthur felt a shiver run up his spine. "..Yes..."

Alfred just looked at him, with a sad smile on his face. "You don't remember, do you? Francis decided he had enough, and he had a little outburst that surprised a lot of Nations. Here, I'll tell you."

* * *

_It was a normal World Meeting. And by normal, I mean that Arthur and Francis were fighting, Feliciano and Lovino were feeding each other pasta, Antonio and Gilbert were coming up with something ridiculous, Ludwig was trying to get everyone's attention, 'trying' being the key word. And, well, you can imagine what it was like. _

_America had walked in late, as usual. "Hey everyone! I'm sorry I'm late. I had hero business to take care of!" He started to laugh his usual obnoxious laugh. He wasn't lying, either. He had work with the President that needed to be attended to right away, and he had to miss the first hour of the World Meeting. _

_Arthur, like usual, was the first to respond. "America! You, once again, are late! What is the matter with you!?" His eyes were filled with rage and were basically on fire. _

_Alfred stopped laughing-but he still smiled-and looked at Arthur with a serious look in his eyes. "Iggy, I had an emergency meeting with the Prez. This time, it couldn't be helped."_

_Arthur looked a little stunned. He scratched the back of his head. "O-Oh. W-Well, I fit was an emergency, I guess it couldn't be help-"_

_"Oh, c'est la merde de taureau*!" Francis cut Arthur off. "Seriously, Amérique. Why are you such a stupid nation? Everyone hates you, you never show up on meetings on time, you're a mess! You're brain is made of pudding, you know nothing of the World, you don't even care enough to learn about the World, you owe a lot of countries a lot of money. You always go around saying you're a 'hero', but what 'heroic' thing have you done!?" He was yelling now. "You are a mess! Nobody wants you around, not even Mother Nature! IT WOULD BE BETTER IF YOU WERE DEAD!" By the end of his 'speech', his face was beet red, he was breathing hard from losing breath, his fists were clenched by his side, and his eyes were filled with hate, anger, and an intent to kill. _

_America, England, and the other countries were silent for a few seconds. Finally, Spain spoke up. He ran over to Francis and put a hand on his shoulder. "Francia! Cálmate, por favor**! What's with you today? Go sit down." Antonio lead Francis back to his seat, brining the rest of the countries back to Earth, but still shocked at what just happened. _

_Arthur waited for Alfred, who was slowly making his way back to his seat. He saw an emotion in his eyes that he has never seen before in the younger Nation. He couldn't make out what it was. Sadness? Depression? Realization? Arthur put it off back then. He thought he was just imagining things._

* * *

Alfred closed his eyes and took a deep breath after he finished telling. "Now do you remember?" He opened his eyes to look at Arthur.

Arthur didn't respond. He just gawked at Alfred like he had just grown a second head. After a few moments of awkward silence, Arthur slowly nodded his head and mumbled. "Yeah.."

Alfred just kept a small smile on his face. "After the meeting that day, I thought about what Francis had said. And I thought, 'He's right'." At this Arthur's eyes widened a little and his attention perked up a bit. "Francis was right. I'm a worthless country. I owe a lot of money to countless countries, I'm stupid. I'm worthless. I know nothing of the World. I do care about it, but I guess I don't care about it enough." He paused and let out a sigh. "I always call myself a hero, but who's hero am I? I'm nobody's hero. And I know that. I just go around saying that to boost my own elf esteem, which doesn't really work. And Francis was also right, about how nobody wants me around. They all hate me. Japan hates me for bombing two of his cities, China hates me because I still owe him from WWI, Canada hates me for not noticing him enough, Francis hates me because he hates my country, period. A lot of countries hate me. Even Mother Nature." He looked down and sighed.

Arthur was just stunned. He didn't know what to say anymore. All of this information and hateful thought coming from the American was all too much for him to comprehend. He was shaking. He was shaking because he was frightened. He was frightened that Alfred was actually going to continue this and disappear. Arthur did not want Alfred to disappear. No matter what. He never hated Alfred. He couldn't. Alfred was his best friend. And he didn't want his best friend to berate himself.

He wanted to enjoy being with Alfred. He wanted to tour with him through his many states and famous landmarks again. He wanted to watch Alfred's people smile because of the wonderful country they live in. He wanted to have nice chats with Alfred. Ones that didn't include countries, politics, Francis, world peace, or anything of the sort. He wanted to have normal conversations. He wanted to stroll through the parks with him more. He wanted to take Alfred to his country, and Bring him to Big Ben, the place where he grew up, and he knew without even asking that Alfred would enjoy that. He wanted to celebrate their birthdays together again throughout the years.

He wanted to tell Alfred "I love you".

Yes. He was in love with Alfred. Arthur didn't know how or when it happened. Perhaps it was the first time Alfred brought him to the old house they used to live in together, when Alfred was still a colony. Perhaps it was when Alfred gave him a picture that he drew for his birthday, a picture he drew when he was a little child, a picture that meant so much to Arthur. Or maybe it was the time that Alfred came up to him, with a serious look and determination in his eyes, said "I want to strengthen the ties between us." (And that, dear readers, made Arthur cry) Or maybe it was the first time Alfred brought him to the states, without a WM to attend. Perhaps it was when Alfred got Arthur's three older brothers (Allistor, Dylan, Connor) to stop making fun of him for an entire year, and instead act nicely towards him (which Alfred had to go through _**a lot**_ of hardships to make that happen, but seeing Arthur smile was worth it.)

Well, it didn't matter now. Arthur knew now that he was hopelessly in love with Alfred.

"Maybe it would be best for everyone if I just died."

Well _that_ pulled Arthur back to Earth.

Arthur's eyes widened to the extreme, mouth agape, and he was shaking more. More tears were threatening to come out now. "Alfred...s-stop...don't talk like that...p-please."

Alfred was now the one to be shocked. He looked at Arthur's trembling form. Arthur was crying, shaking madly, looking at Alfred with wide eyes. His eyes were filled with so much emotion. Any depressing emotion that comes up in your head, it's in his eyes. "Arthur.."

Arthur slowly made his way towards Alfred. "Stop. Don't talk like that." His shaking lowed a bit, but it wasn't much. "Alfred, people love you. Everybody loves you. Matthew, Francis, Yao, Kiku, they all love you." He made his way on to Alfred's lap, wrapping his legs around his waist, wrapping his arms around Alfred's neck, and burying his face in his chest. "Don't talk like you're nothing. You're everything. You're smart, you're strong, you're about 400 years old, and already you've become a superpower, something al countries wish they were. They're jealous, Alfred. Jealous because you're powerful. But not only because you're powerful, you're so many wonderful, beautiful things, Alfred. So don't talk like that, please."

Alfred said nothing. He only hugged Arthur tightly, burying his face into Arthur's shoulder, nodding. "I'll try my best to stop, Artie." He paused for a bit, wondering if he should ask the next question or not. "Hey, Artie?"

Arthur pulled back and looked at him. "Yes?"

Alfred looked at Arthur and a faint blush dusted his cheeks. Because at that moment, Arthur looked adorable. His eyes were shining, his hair was tousled, his clothes were wrecked up, and his cheeks were red from crying too much. Alfred shook his head to control himself. "Can you, um. Can you help me stop? Because I don't know if I can do it alone..?" He tensed a little and looked away from Arthur. He was a bit too afraid to see or hear his reaction.

His tension eased when his answer was another hug, along with a kiss on the check, which made both males blush. Arthur pulled back and smiled at him. "Of course I'll help you. I will help, Tony will help, and even the other Nations will help." Alfred opened his mouth to protest about the other Nations but Arthur beat him to it. "And yes, we need to tell the other Nations about this. This is a serious matter, Alfred. You need all the help that we can get. Now, if you only feel comfortable talking to me, or Matthew, or even the Frog about certain things, then talk to us. I promise I will keep secret discussions a secret, and I'll make sure the other two will too, but the others must know. Got it?"

Alfred let out a sigh and smiled back at Arthur. He smiled a real smile. It wasn't a fake smile, which Arthur noticed and was delighted to see. "Okay, Arthur. I understand."

Arthur smiled an climbed off of Alfred, Alfred got up as well. "Very well. Now, let's talk about how we should tell the others, okay?"

Alfred agreed. "Okay. But I don't want to tell Mattie or Francis beforehand. Well, it's not that I trust Mattie, I do. But it's Francis that I'm concerned about. He has a tendency to run his mouth whenever a secret goes out."

Both Alfred and Arthur chuckled at the fact. "Yes, he does. Alright then, let's get to planning, shall we?"

Alfred grinned and nodded. "Yes, let's."

* * *

This is the longest chapter I have ever written. Over 2k! YAY!

I have nothing else to say.

Wait! Have any of you tried cinnamon butter? It's awesome!

REVIEWS ARE HIGHLY APPRECIATED!


	3. Telling Everyone the Truth

The past month has been absolutely crazy for both Arthur and Alfred.

Alfred has been trying to stop cutting himself, which was sort of failing. Arthur was staying in America, at Alfred's house, trying ot watch over him. But it was rather difficult. Alfred had paperwork to do and a shit load of meetings to attend, so he was out of the house frequently. And it was difficult for Arthur to not scream and cry when Alfred came home with new cuts on his arms.

The World Meeting was in London this month, and Arthur literally had to _drag_ Alfred to his house the week before to keep one last eye on him.

* * *

Arthur stood up at the podium and looked around the room.

It was absolutely chaotic.

Too many things were going on at once. Greece was sleeping on Turkey's lap, which was odd, considering that the two always bicker, but it was nice that they seemed to be getting along. Yao kept trying to hug Kiku, but Kiku kept trying to shy away from him, which made Yong Soo roll over in laughter. France was trying to molest poor Matthew, and Alfred actually went over and punched Francis so hard that he almost lost consciousness, which made Arthur smile a bit. Antonio was chatting and laughing obnoxiously with Gilbert, which made Lovino cover Feliciano's ears angrily saying that whatever they were talking about, Feliciano was too 'innocent and happy' to hear anything like that. Ludwig, like usual, was trying to get everyone's attention, but like always, was failing. Ivan was staring creepily at the Baltic states, but Raivis was chatting with Peter, and Toris was happily listening to Feliks talk about shoes and shopping. Poor Eduard was standing all alone, which made a very happy Ivan have someone to talk to. Lukas was trying to get Emil to say 'Big Brother', and he had Emil trapped in a giant hug, which made Emil flustered; which make Leon glare at Lukas out of rage and jealousy. Mathias wasn't really doing that much for once, and Tino was being embraced by Berwald, who's face was as stone hard as ever.

Alfred returned to Arthur' side, (after threatening Francis to nuke his country if he ever tried to touch Mattie like that again) and smiled. Arthur smiled and nodded in response, and turned his attention back to the crowd and cleared his voice. "Everyone, Alfred and I have an announcement."

Everyone quieted down. Yao, who managed to capture Kiku and place him on his lap, spoke up first. "Well, what's the announcement-aru?"

Arthur looked at Alfred, who smiled and made his way next to Arthur. Arthur nodded and turned back to the group. "Alfred has depression." Several gasps were heard throughout the room, but Arthur held up his hand before anyone could say anything else. "And he has been cutting himself as well."

It was deathly silent.

Mattie looked ghostly. He was shaking and tears were forming at his eyes. "Al, bro-please don't tell me this is all true." He chuckled nervously. "P-Please tell m-me that this is all a lie."

Alfred smiled sadly and shed his bomber jacket off. He placed it on the back of the chair and made his way to the center of the room. "I'm sorry, Mattie." He started to shed off the top of his tan military suit off and dropping the clothes to the floor, revealing cuts and scars and ugly words engraved in to his skin. He turned to Matthew. "I wish I could say no, but I can't."

The room started to fill with several reactions. Mattie ran over to Al and caught him in a bear hug, _wailing_ in to his shoulder. Francis turned pale and walked over to Alfred and Matthew, but standing just a few paces away, not wanting to interrupt. Gilbert, Antonio, and Ludwig just stood frozen looking at one another, wanting to do _something_, but their body didn't let either of them move. Kiku started to cry in to Yao's shoulder, not wanting to look at his cut-up friend. Feliciano started to cry in to Lovino's chest, while Lovino tried to calm him down, but he was shocked as well. Ivan for once didn't have his creepy smile plastered on his face. He looked, almost sad. Sadiq covered Heracles' ears, to prevent him from waking up to a confusing commotion. He'll tell him later. Allistor turned slightly pale and his cigar dropped to the ground. He stared at Alfred in complete shock, while his other younger siblings, Conner and Dylan, tried to snap him out of the trance. Elizaveta was crying in to Roderich's chest. Alfred was a good friend of hers, and she hated to see any one of her friends sad. The Nordic 5 just sat in shock, not knowing what to do. Toris fainted at the sight, and Feliks was trying to wake him up. Eduard, Raivis, and Peter just stood together, not really knowing what to do. Katyusha was crying in to Ivan's shoulder.

And Natalia?

Well, Natalia was throwing knives at everyone.

Figures.

After what seemed like hours of crying, Mattie pulled back and looked at Alfred. "Alfred, why?"

At this point, Arthur made his way to the center of the room, next to Alfred. All the other Nations seemed to slow down their crying, and they peeked towards the middle of the room, where Alfred stood. Arthur raised his hand and coughed before getting everyone's attention. "The reason why Alfred has done this," he gestured to the cuts on his _sexy_(not that Arthur would ever admit) body, "is simply because everyone here, including myself, has been throwing awful and discriminating comments about him and his economy, his personality, and his IQ. I do hope that all of you will help Alfred. He needs it." Arthur grabbed Alfred's hand, causing the both of them to blush a little.

Several nods were seen in the Meeting room. Mattie looked desperately at Alfred. he grabbed both of Alfred's hands. "O-Of course we'll help with this, Alfie. We all love and care about you. We will help you, no mater what. I'll do everything I can." He turned to Francis. "Francis, you'll help as well, right?"

Francis walked over to Alfred and the other two. "O-Of course, _mon ami._ I'll be here for you. We all will." He leaned close to Alfred, wanting to say something that only Alfred could hear. "And if you ever need to talk about something privately with me, my door is always open." He pulled back and smiled at Alfred. "Okay?"

Japan piped up. "_Hai_. Alfred-kun, we will listen to you. And we will help you. Tell us if you are ever feeling like this again, okay? We want you alive."

Gilbert as the one who spoke next. "_Ja_. We need an awesome hero like you. Of course, you're not as awesome as me, but your still awesome." He earned a smack to the back of his head by Roderich.

Roderich glared at Gilbert. "You idiot! He's depressed. Saying that he's less awesome than you will not help him get happier! If anything, he'll worsen!" He was fuming, and his face was red from screaming at the albino.

Gilbert started ot massage the back of his head. "Ow! That hurt Roddy!" He turned to Alfred. "The awesome me apologizes for saying that you're less awesome than the awesome me." Another smack from Roderich.

A few people laughed, including Alfred. He turned towards the two. "It's alright, Roderich, Gilbert. Everyone knows that you can't be awesome as the Awesome Prussian!"

This caused Gilbert to smile and point at Roderich. "See! He's fine with it. Geez, you're so stiff, Roddy." He patted Roderich's head, making him turn red for a completely different reason.

Alfred nodded. "Okay." He pulled Francis, Arthur, and Mattie in a hug. "You know I love you three the most, right? You're the closest people in the world to me."

They all smiled and hugged Alfred tightly. Arthur whispered, "Thanks for letting us know." The group laughed a bit. "And we love you too, Alfred. And we always will." Well, at least I always will. In more ways than you can ever imagine. I just hope that you will feel the same about me one day.

Little did Arthur know, Alfred felt the _exact_ same way.

* * *

Okay! That makes the end of chapter three. I was debating weather or not I should add couples that I like, but then I was like, "This is my story! I can do whatever the hell I want!" And so I hinted a few couples.

YOU PEOPLE BETTER REVIEW!

IF I DON'T GET A REVIEW I WILL DISCONTINUE THIS STORY!

SO YOU BETTER REVIEW!

OR ELSE!

Okay, I'm done with my threats.

One question. What else do you want to see in this story? Maybe a couple suicide attempts? Idk, you tell me.

Until next time (maybe),

Bai!


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